Waking Up – Three Stars
This had a really slow start, but after it got going, I could see what all the fuss was about. Would definitely do it again.
Getting Dressed – Three Stars
I come to this closet quite often, and I have to say, the experience has remained consistent over the years. Does it have everything I’m looking for? No. But is there a nice selection of affordably priced clothes, appropriate for any situation that may arise? This closet isn’t for everyone, but I like it.
Scrolling Through Twitter in an Elevator – Zero Stars
I stopped watching The Apprentice after the first season, and, yet, Donald Trump is always on my screen.
Microwave Hot Dog – Five Stars
I’ve had a lot of hot dogs from a lot of hot doggeries in my day. They’ve run the gamut from the watered-down, flimsy dogs of Manhattan (Yes, I said it) to the Clint Eastwood-skinned overly cooked hot dogs from Oklahoman convenience stores. In all my years of eating hot dogs, it’s rare that I’ve come across one as delightful as this. A simple Ballpark brand frank in a Ballpark brand bun with a twin slivers of ketchup and mustard running down the middle of the hot dog like the dividing line on a two-lane street. It took thirty seconds to create this masterpiece, and thirty more seconds to destroy it. What remains is just a memory that I will hold onto forever.
Standing in the parking lot looking for my car – Two Stars
There was a lot of suspense. Would I ever find my car? But in the end, I’m not sure the payoff was worth the build-up. “Oooh, his car was right behind him the whole time.” What a cliché!
Using My Restroom – Two Stars
Just recently, I had the opportunity to use a fancy restroom with a restroom attendant, and that has really changed my perception of what this experience should be. Having the opportunity to game plan with someone before using the toilet and debrief afterwards really allows you to up your game. I find it unfortunate that this is privilege reserved for the wealthy, and it has really made me reconsider what my home restroom experience should be. To be fair, I do think that this is probably the best possible experience in a restroom of this stature, and the reading material provided isn’t bad. Great atmosphere, poor service.
Test of the emergency broadcast system – N/A
Review pending results of the test.
Listening to the neighbor rap Sicko Mode by Travis Scott – One Star
I don’t know why I expected this cover to sound anything like the original. Normally, I don’t mind when someone puts their own twist on a song, but I do have a baseline expectation that they will know the words to the song.
Sunset – Four Stars
I am pretty sure that I’ve seen this one before. Don’t get me wrong – it was beautiful. It’s just… it’s barely been forty years, and we’re already getting repeats? Don’t get lazy!
The Existential Dread of the Moments Before Sleep – Five Stars
If you’ve never experienced the thrill of having your mind speed at a breakneck pace through an obstacle course of anxieties, I can recommend the existential dread of the moments before sleep. It’s a heart-pounding yet surprisingly cerebral adventure that knocks the wind out of you. Exploring life’s great questions like “What will I have for breakfast tomorrow?” and “Am I going to die,” the existential dread of the moments before sleep never gets old because there’s always something new to worry about. Best experienced in total darkness.